A soft knock at the door broke the night’s silence. It must be Vianna, my instinct told me. He had expressed fears of not passing his exams the previous day, and my instinct was right. He shuffled in and stood before me, his face flushed with emotion. He waited for a few seconds, fighting back tears that threatened to betray his bravery. Then, he shook his head and said, “I am tired. I can’t continue like this. Perhaps this discipline is not the right one for me. Perhaps I am not intelligent enough to pass. Maybe I should stop trying and choose a course that isn’t as difficult—one that someone like me can handle. I am a disappointment.”
This time, he allowed the tears to flow.
I could guess the source of his pain. He had failed his exams again and needed to lean on my words of reassurance. Of course, such care and reassurance could help a lot in making those unpleasant feelings completely dissipate.
If you’ve ever found yourself in a similar situation as Vianna, know that hope for overcoming it is possible, and the steps necessary to suppress it are not far-fetched.
Below, find 3 steps that could help.
Speak Up and seek support
Reach out for help. Talk to someone about it—your school counsellor, parents, or clergy. Just speak up.
Vianna, having reached out for help, received words of reassurance from me that helped. “It is human to fail, and letting those tears flow freely does not make you weak,” I told him. “I have failed many times, faced disappointments, and doubted my abilities. I overcame them because I accepted that it is human to fail repeatedly until I succeed.”
My words brought solace to his agonizing spirit, and helped him someway. A few years later, he tried again applying a different strategy. He spent more time reading than hanging out with friends, and the next time we met, he shared a heartwarming story of his academic success.
Change is constant
This mood can change over time—it all depends on your mindset.
Have you noticed that most people who undergo traumatic experiences keep healing as the days go by? An ex-convict once shared his experience about life in prison and what it takes to survive the feeling of depression, which was a companion to almost every inmate. He stated that the first day he entered the prison was the saddest, but as the days went by, he accepted his fate and developed a mindset that his situation was temporary. He saw it as a study period. Someday, he would graduate and leave the prison yard. This mindset helped him overcome depression until he left prison. Unfortunately, many who kept dwelling on their situation became more depressed and either developed mental problems or died in prison.
I know the news of failing that course hit you hard, but this shock will go away if you do not keep overthinking it or wondering why it had to be you. People change locations to forget bad memories. You could also shift your focus to help distance yourself from the memory
Not everyone’s advice is important
Avoid those who believe you cannot improve.
Just like Vianna, who needed my support, we all need people to support us in times like this. However, while seeking support from others is important, choose people who encourage growth and perseverance rather than those who dwell on failure and discourage progress or improvement.
Years ago, after completing my undergraduate studies, I relocated to an urban area with the mindset that I would get a job within two weeks of moving. But after several months, I was still unable to find one.
One fateful day, after yet another unsuccessful job hunt, I stopped at a shop to buy a soft drink. The owner, a vibrant young man, introduced himself as a graduate. I told him I was searching for a job, and he said, ‘You might find one after eight years. That’s how long it took me.’
I ignored his advice, put in more effort in my job search, and after three months, I found a job.
Some people will tell you how many times they tried and failed, some will suggest you try something new, and others will encourage you to keep trying until you succeed. My advice is that you can either keep trying or explore a new path, but improvement takes time and effort.
Did you learn something from this blog? Share your comments.
*Agbanero, Ph.D., is a freelance writer.
