The term “side chick” is a slang for a woman who is in a romantic or sexual relationship with someone who is already in a committed relationship or married with another partner. Simply put, the term side chick means that someone is seeing someone else in secret while dating another person. If one is blunt enough to call a spade a spade, the practice is simply called cheating.
The original meaning of side chick derives from the practice whereby a married man dates a mistress, that is, a woman or lady in addition to his wife or girlfriend, usually in secret. It has been said that to be a good side chick, there are certain rules that the side chick must follow strictly, one of which is to refrain from asking questions, and always try to look good but without showing too much interest in the relationship or offering enough of whatever service she has to offer. Perhaps this is why the practice has remained alluring to the men involved in it. Of course, the smart side chicks would always know how to keep their ‘babies’ running back for more. Male side chicks have also emerged; they are often called “side dudes” by their female partners; others refer to theirs as Sugar Daddy or Sugar Mummy – whatever that means.
For men and women keeping this kind of relationship, there are difficulties they must have to contend with. Across the country, bizarre and blood-chilling stories have been told about the harmful effects of keeping side chicks. Not too long ago, it was reported that a young man had his genitals yanked off with a sharp razor-blade by an angry side chick right in the middle of the act! There was a case of an elderly man who lost consciousness in a hotel room while performing his ‘extra-marital duty’ with his side chick. Thinking that the man had died, the side chick quietly packed her bags and escaped into the darkness of the night. By the time the elderly man regained consciousness, we were told he decided there and then to give his life to Christ – as if Christ was a man to be trifled with!
Not a few men involved in the practice have demonstrated that their case is irredeemable. Such men would tell you that something must kill a man. Yet at the point of death, they would remember that there is God.
It may be argued that keeping side chicks is inherent in the nature of man, and that men are naturally created like that. From Bible records, Abraham, King Solomon and many notable men highly rated by God had quite a sizeable number of side chicks then called concubines in Biblical times. So the question has been asked: why did things suddenly change and our wives and girlfriends are now trying to demonize us whenever they hear about our side chick affairs which they know we inherited from our forefathers? Whatever argument one tries to come up with, the very fact that the act connotes the idea of cheating makes it unpleasant to the ear.
One major problem with such relationship is that it is expensive to maintain. It was recently reported that Lagos men spent N661bn on sex in 2024 alone. Nigerians spend more on beauty products and fashion than they spend on health and education. This is not surprising because Nigerians love looking good which, according to them, is good business. Glamorous and erotic affairs are often kept secret, and anything kept secret must cost a lot of money; otherwise the matter might lead to public scandal if it is exposed.
Another serious problem with keeping side chicks is that it is physically stressful. To date more than one woman is not always a tea party for the man. People might think the man is having fun, but inside, he might very well be on his way to the other side. The man would have to joggle schedules, invent lies to cover his tracks, and sometimes resort to taking harmful energizers and concoctions to be able to satisfy all the women at the same time. Philandering requires physical strength.
Again, apart from the risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases, there is also the risk of getting caught in the act, which might lead to domestic violence, divorce, or even death. There is the tendency for the side chick to get fed up at a point and decide to dump the man; in this case, if the main girlfriend or wife finds out at that same time and also decides to quit, then the man may run mad if he is not mentally strong. As a matter of fact, there was a case of a young mad man who was found naked by the side of the road while displaying the photographs of two pretty girls; those who knew the man reported that one of the girls was his actual girlfriend while the other was his side chick, but both girls ganged up against him and resorted to diabolical means to cast insanity upon him! Of course, something must kill a man! This is the problem with side chicks.
*Anthony-Spinks is of the Delta State Public Procurement Commission. He writes from Asaba.
